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Healing and Stages of Change

Uncategorized Nov 18, 2019

You can’t heal something if you don’t know it exists. Just truth. That's why increasing your self-awareness is always the first step of creating meaningful, lasting change in your life. 

Let’s discuss the stages of change to give you a new perspective on why you keep getting stuck... maybe you’re just not quite ready, yet. 

Pre-contemplation: This is when you’re not even aware that there’s a problem or that a change would be beneficial. 

Contemplation: This is when you’re starting to see that a change may be beneficial and beginning to weigh the pros and cons of making a behavior change. 

Preparation: This is when you’re convinced that a change would be positive and beginning to take the necessary steps toward a behavior change. 

Action: This is when you’re doing it! Woohoo! 

Maintenance: This is when you’ve been implementing positive behavior change for at least six months and intend to...

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Fear

Fun fact: I was *supposed* to be a pole vaulter in college. I had been recruited, I made the commitment, and then the night before practice began, I quit.

I was terrified. I was so scared that I wouldn’t live up to expectations - my own or anyone else’s - that I didn’t even let myself try. 

I try not to have regrets. I truly believe that there is no point in regret because every single experience has helped us get to where we need to be in our lives. But if I had to choose one thing to do differently given the chance, this is what I come back to every single time. I hate it that when I got scared, I gave up on my dreams and myself instead of seeing how far I could go. I hate that I let my fear stop me from something that I desperately wanted. 

Since then, I’ve grown so much. I don’t let fear hold me back anymore. Which isn’t to say that I don’t feel fear... I do. But my relationship to fear has completely shifted and that has...

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Worthiness

Uncategorized Apr 11, 2019

I had this interaction the other day in which I felt kind of chastised. Reflexively, I wanted to scramble to make sure the other person understood my value. 

Instead, I paused. I noticed what was coming up for me in response. I wondered about why I felt that way, when I had first felt that way, and how to respond differently. 

By the next morning, it was crystal clear. “Do not try to prove your worth to anyone.” Full stop. 

The people who are meant to be a part of your journey already see your worth. They can see how brightly your unique light shines from miles away... no convincing required. 

The energy of convincing is low-vibe. It’s an energy of insecurity and needing others to validate your worth creates a power differential where the other person holds all of the cards. In NLP terms, it puts you at “effect” instead of at “cause.” No thanks. 

Personally, I’ve worked way too hard on myself to give away my...

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Healing Forward

I cried at yoga this morning. 

I allowed myself to fully crack open. 

It was all very unexpected. 

At the beginning of class, our instructor was talking about the power of names - both to shape our identity and the ways in which we are shaped BY our names. 

My name is Mary Allison, after both of my grandmothers. Mary = bittersweet; Allison = truth. Bittersweet truth. I’ve always thought that was a little depressing... but as I moved through yoga class today, it suddenly became so clear that my name has been my mission all along. Hidden in plain sight. 

I believe from the depths of my soul that I was given the divine assignment to heal the pain of the generations that came before me, in order to leave my daughters with a different legacy. To do that, fully, I have to speak my truth. There are people who won’t like that; that happens when you tell the truth. And there are times when the truth will be painful. Bittersweet truth. 

And sometimes...

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NO (to the No, to the NO, NO, NO)

(Anyone else singing the Megan Trainor song right now?  Because I honestly can't even help it.) 

NO. 

I don't know about you, but this simple little word can be really hard for me to say. I have this fear that goes like this... What does it mean about me if I say no? Does it mean that I'm selfish or a bitch or uncaring? 

I know that I have a tendency to derive my worth from helping others. That my service - to my clients, to my community, to the world - is fundamental to my sense of identity. But I can also see the truth that my ego's need to feel important and needed can be HARMFUL to me. It can lead to me feeling exhausted - emotionally, physically, and mentally. And not for nothing, but this need to feel important and needed has also done a disservice to the people I think I'm helping because there have definitely been moments in which I have shown up so exhausted, half-assed, distracted, and scattered. There have been times when no matter how hard I have...

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We Are Not What Happens to Us

It was recently called to my attention that something I had posted online hurt someone in my family. 

I had posted about a trauma in my life - a sexual assault that happened when I was in high school. The person who informed me about the hurt feelings asked me to please give a heads up or be more cautious about what I say online. 

And I said... respectfully, no. See, the thing is, I didn’t talk about what happened to me - to almost anyone - for almost twenty years. Other than when I got into a new relationship and had to confess that I had major issues with sex because of what had happened - I didn’t say a word. I carried the weight of shame and guilt for “allowing myself to be assaulted.” And the weight was crushing me. 

Last year, with the help of a beautiful coach and friend, I was finally able to wriggle out from under the crushing weight. I was finally able to say the words out loud, to truly believe that what happened to me was not my...

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Leaning Into Fear

I’m here today to share a story of shrinking, and expansion; of self-sabotage and learning to lean into fear to honor the commitments we’ve made to our soul.

See, in the past, I’ve had a pattern of self-sabotaging my efforts by not following through and leaving things unfinished. I would have this great idea, a burst of inspiration, and get really excited. I would go all in out of the gate, expand quickly, and then my energy would quickly fizzle out and the project would end up abandoned. I’ve repeated this pattern more times than I can count. 

Last November, sitting inside a coffee shop on a snowy day, I had a burst of inspiration to create a guided journal focused on helping people cultivate lives filled with joy and gratitude. I followed the inspiration and I wrote almost the entire thing in a week. 

But then the fizzle started... I got to the part that seemed harder. And I wasn’t sure how to do it because I hadn’t done it before. My...

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