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NO (to the No, to the NO, NO, NO)

(Anyone else singing the Megan Trainor song right now?  Because I honestly can't even help it.) 


I don't know about you, but this simple little word can be really hard for me to say. I have this fear that goes like this... What does it mean about me if I say no? Does it mean that I'm selfish or a bitch or uncaring? 

I know that I have a tendency to derive my worth from helping others. That my service - to my clients, to my community, to the world - is fundamental to my sense of identity. But I can also see the truth that my ego's need to feel important and needed can be HARMFUL to me. It can lead to me feeling exhausted - emotionally, physically, and mentally. And not for nothing, but this need to feel important and needed has also done a disservice to the people I think I'm helping because there have definitely been moments in which I have shown up so exhausted, half-assed, distracted, and scattered. There have been times when no matter how hard I have tried, my energy was just so drained and depleted that I really didn't have much to give. 

In the past, I have given my time and energy to others out of a sense of obligation in a way that feels fundamentally, energetically out of balance. 

So, I'm officially rewriting the story of what it means for me to say no. When I say no, what it says about me is that I respect myself enough to set healthy boundaries that protect my most important resources - my time and my energy. When I say no, what it says about me is that I respect YOU enough to have the courage to say no if I know I can't give you my full attention because you deserve someone who's all in. You deserve so much more than my exhausted, half-assed, "I just said yes because I felt obligated to" energy. 

Is saying NO hard for you, too? What makes it easier? 


If saying no and establishing healthy boundaries is a challenge for you, I invite you to join us inside the Self-Care Redefined Membership for more conversation about the 3 B's of Self-Care (Beliefs, Behaviors, and Boundaries) and how to make them work for you. Learn more and join us at