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We Are Not What Happens to Us

It was recently called to my attention that something I had posted online hurt someone in my family. 

I had posted about a trauma in my life - a sexual assault that happened when I was in high school. The person who informed me about the hurt feelings asked me to please give a heads up or be more cautious about what I say online. 

And I said... respectfully, no. See, the thing is, I didn’t talk about what happened to me - to almost anyone - for almost twenty years. Other than when I got into a new relationship and had to confess that I had major issues with sex because of what had happened - I didn’t say a word. I carried the weight of shame and guilt for “allowing myself to be assaulted.” And the weight was crushing me. 

Last year, with the help of a beautiful coach and friend, I was finally able to wriggle out from under the crushing weight. I was finally able to say the words out loud, to truly believe that what happened to me was not my fault, and to come to understand that one little part of my story can only define me if I let it. 

What happened to me doesn’t define me. It IS a part of my story, though, and while my heart still breaks for that girl who felt so alone, I’m not ashamed anymore. 

I know that I am here to share my story - of which this one incident is just a small part - and to help others have the courage to heal and to share their own. We are not what happens to us. 

So, no... I can’t be more cautious about what I post because silence perpetuates shame and darkness and I’ve made a commitment to living in the light. ❤️ 

And you? Honor your own story. Share it if you’re comfortable. If you’re not, heal. Give your soul what it needs to do the work of becoming whole again. With so much love. And if you need to talk, I’m here - reach out. 


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