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NO (to the No, to the NO, NO, NO)

(Anyone else singing the Megan Trainor song right now?  Because I honestly can't even help it.) 


I don't know about you, but this simple little word can be really hard for me to say. I have this fear that goes like this... What does it mean about me if I say no? Does it mean that I'm selfish or a bitch or uncaring? 

I know that I have a tendency to derive my worth from helping others. That my service - to my clients, to my community, to the world - is fundamental to my sense of identity. But I can also see the truth that my ego's need to feel important and needed can be HARMFUL to me. It can lead to me feeling exhausted - emotionally, physically, and mentally. And not for nothing, but this need to feel important and needed has also done a disservice to the people I think I'm helping because there have definitely been moments in which I have shown up so exhausted, half-assed, distracted, and scattered. There have been times when no matter how hard I have...

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We Are Not What Happens to Us

It was recently called to my attention that something I had posted online hurt someone in my family. 

I had posted about a trauma in my life - a sexual assault that happened when I was in high school. The person who informed me about the hurt feelings asked me to please give a heads up or be more cautious about what I say online. 

And I said... respectfully, no. See, the thing is, I didn’t talk about what happened to me - to almost anyone - for almost twenty years. Other than when I got into a new relationship and had to confess that I had major issues with sex because of what had happened - I didn’t say a word. I carried the weight of shame and guilt for “allowing myself to be assaulted.” And the weight was crushing me. 

Last year, with the help of a beautiful coach and friend, I was finally able to wriggle out from under the crushing weight. I was finally able to say the words out loud, to truly believe that what happened to me was not my...

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